fake it to Make it?

Fake it until you make it. So you fake your smile, feel uncomfortable as well as slightly guilty and ashamed for not being genuine…and voilà–peace. Not exactly. Do we need to fake it until we make it or do we need to transform our energy into something more helpful?

I’d offer the possibility we rarely have to fake it to make it. In my experience, people need value or a purpose to make them feel comfortable with change. If you have a ‘why’ that connects with one of your deeper needs then you’ll have less difficulty with anything in your life. That goes for completing job duties, helping others, going the extra mile, or having a more fulfilling life. 

I was talking to one man who said, “I hate being fake. I don’t like smiling at people when I don’t know them. I don’t know if they’re a good person or if they’re a jerk.” So smiling at a stranger was fake for him because he didn’t “know them”. Another man rarely got threatened by strangers and enjoyed the possibility of brightening someone’s day with a smile. Neither individual is being fake. Both are acting in accordance to their beliefs and values. The only difference was how their belief impacted their enjoyment.

There is an analogy that some people find helpful to understand how to transform fear, anxiety, stress, self-criticism, or negative self-talk. You have red paint and blue paint. The red paint is negative self-talk, fear, etc. The blue paint is positive self-talk, courage, reassurance, empowerment, etc. If you mix them both, you get green-which is neither fully positive nor negative. However, the more blue you continue to mix in, the bluer it becomes. If you start with negativity and intentionally add positive self-talk, you won’t be all of a sudden positive. But if you continue with this process of countering negative thoughts with more positive/helpful self-talk, you’ll find positivity becoming more natural.  (If you’re like many people, your helpful and positive thoughts are more rational!) So if it’s more positive and rational then by definition it is more accurate–less fake. So the green paint at the beginning of the process wasn’t fake–it was the result of the combination of positive/negative forces. 

Is it simple to intentionally counter unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts? As simple as running a marathon. It takes gradual practice, time, grace for setbacks, and consistency. Introduce one positive image or one positive movie in your head throughout your day-watch what happens. Some will have resistance-“this won’t work!” “this is elementary” “what a waste of time”. These are unhelpful thoughts. Imagine preparing for a marathon and thinking these thoughts after the first day–not helpful to your goal. Play another positive movie. In time, you will be playing helpful movies that fulfill, energize, and grow more enjoyment. 

Beliefs create our reality, if what we do doesn’t feel real–we need to reevaluate our beliefs and our corresponding actions. So before you go out and try to “fake it”, get in touch with why you want to do something and make sure it is in line with your beliefs. Not your old beliefs-your current ones. Then intentionally add more helpful thoughts and internal movies throughout fulfilling your why.